Most bathroom scales only go up to 300 lbs or so. Once you hit that weight, it is very hard to accurately determine how much you weigh, Once you hit 350, the doctor's scales won't even weigh you anymore. When you look like you weigh 60-100 lbs less than you do, you talk yourself into believing you're not that fat. It's only when you walk into a big and tall store and have a hard time finding clothes that you actually "see" yourself. You actually loathe what you see, but you know the journey ahead and keep putting it off until you have more time. More time never appears. Life always happens, and you find yourself back where you were again, consuming way too many calories and not moving enough to burn them off.
Honestly, I am 40-60lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest. I had great success a year ago and lost almost 80 lbs in 1 1/2 months. Then life happened. Church events got in the way, and I found myself eating on the road all of the time. My mom was sick all of the time, and I was on the road to her every week. Then, in June of last year, her heart stopped, and she was in the hospital for a month. I was there every day. Of course, sitting in a hospital room and staying in a motel are not conducive to weight loss. I gained 40-60 lbs in that month. When she got out I came home and lost 40 lbs. Then I inherited the youth ministry program at church, and all weight loss plans were out the window, but I kept struggling until March. In March, mom died and I have had a hard time. I have eaten myself through my grief, stopping every once in a while to try and lose a few.
I write all of this to say I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. I have tried every diet imaginable. I have lost weight and gained weight. I have tried until it hurts, but I have always ultimately failed. Now, I am ready to make the change. This time will be different. I will lose the weight and keep it off. Why will it be different? What is going to make this change stick? My motivation. My motivation is different this time. I am not losing weight to look better. I am not losing weight to feel better. I am not losing weight to live a longer life. I am sure each of these things will happen, but my motivation this time is very different. What is this motivation?
Simply put, my motivation is God. I have become convinced that weight loss for me is not just something I do to fit in or feel better, but weight loss is an act of worship. Through weight loss I can bring glory to God for his blessings and faithfulness. Through weight loss I can become a better example to those around me, believers and non-believers alike. Through weight loss, I can truly offer all of myself to God in a way that will make me more useful in the kingdom. We live in a culture of food. Every other commercial on television is about something sweet to eat. The average fast food or family style restaurant meal contains more calories than many families around the world have in 2 or 3 days. God has called me to be separate, and I cannot do that if I look and act just like everyone else.
So, why this blog? This blog will be many things. It will be a public calorie and weight journal. I will bare everything here for others to see so I may be kept accountable. This blog will be a journal where I vent all of my successes and fears and failures. These posts will be a way for people to follow my journey, the good and the bad. Most of all, I hope this blog will be a devotional. I pray the devotional thoughts I will include will bless and strengthen someone else on their own journey. Maybe this blog will become a book that can help many more people find a way to give their whole self to God and learn to live a healthier life. Maybe this blog will only bless me and bring glory to God, and that is more than okay. Whatever this blog becomes, it will stand as a testament to my offering to God.
I have one note about my devotional thoughts. I am not striving in these thoughts for theological accuracy. I am not trying to write a book of doctrine. Instead, my thoughts will be based on how passages or verses speak to me in this journey about my weight loss. When I write something, there will be no need to tell me that verse is out of context because I will be painfully aware of this, but I believe the scripture is something that will speak in different ways at different times. I will never be grossly negligent in my devotional, but I will sometimes stray from the context of a passage. With this introduction I say welcome to my journey, and I leave you with my devotional thoughts for the day.
"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them." Mark 11:23
Jesus, when talking with his disciples, makes this truly startling statement. He was speaking of the power of faith in the life of a believer. Faith has the power to move any obstacle in our lives, but we have to believe. Belief is evidenced in how we act. There is a wonderful scene in the movie Facing the Giants where a man tells the coach a story about two farmers who are praying for rain. One farmer does nothing but pray and wait for the rain to fall. The other farmer prepares his fields in preparation of the rain he knows God is going to send. He ends the story with the question, "Which farmer do you think truly trusted God?" Not only have I been called a mountain of a man, but my weight has been a mountain in my life for years. I know it is a mountain in the lives of others as well. How many people pray every day for God to make them thin or healthy or beautiful or whatever prayer it is that really means normal? How many of those same people step out in faith that God will follow through? When we pray God will make us thin yet we do not take steps to become thin, we are not living in belief that God is faithful to his promises. If we truly believe, we begin to live our lives as if we are already thin. We get up off of the couch and move our personal mountain! We quit eating the trash this world tells us is good, and we put in our bodies what God intended for us to eat. We quit hiding ourselves behind over-sized clothing and we buy clothes that fit the body we are in, and maybe we buy a few outfits that fit the body we know God is going to provide for us.
God is not a genie. He isn't going to allow you to magically wake up one day the size you want to be. He requires we have faith. Let's face it. The mountain in my life is weight, and I want it removed; not just to the sea, but to the depths of well, Hell. Time for my physical life to begin to mirror my prayer life. I need to live my life as if I believe God can move this mountain. I can no longer pray for something and not live as if I believe it. Starting now, my life will reflect my prayer. I will move this mountain!
Maybe today you struggle with your personal mountain of weight. Maybe you have been asking God to take something away, but not living your life like you believe he will. I invite you to start with me today. Pray the following prayer and believe!
Master, you know my struggles. You know my pain. I have struggled with this mountain of weight my entire adult life. Take this now from me. I will be healthy. You will move this mountain. Father, strengthen me as I work toward this goal. Lift me up when I am down. Give me determination to fight through my struggles. Let my life be as my prayers are. In the mighty and powerful name of Jesus I ask it. Amen!
This past February I became convicted about my own weight. It took a visit from an overweight patient who was denied gastric bypass because he was too overweight and at risk for the surgery. Yes, he was at risk for the surgery that would help, if not save, his own life. It was a very sacred visit, because as I was ministering to him, he was also doing the same to me. Through that visit God finally made me finally face myself and where I am at with this weight; how it affects my life, my health, and probably my ability to get into a relationship (my singleness and my confidence). I started eating better and working out then and I was 325Lbs. That was almost 5 months ago and I have almost lost 20Lbs. I really wish it was easier and I would have lost more, but as you say, old habits are hard to kick... and I think a lot of the reason I eat is because I am bored or sad or feel alone or feel depressed sometimes. But one conviction that hasn't left me is this time I am not stopping. I am going to move forward, even if I falter or fail and eat something bad or gain a few pounds back, that will only motivate me to be more aware and try to practice better self-discipline. I do like your thinking about this as an act of worship. I think in those times of temptation or failure, even in my successes, I should bring those all before God and pray he continue to give me strength and help mold me.
ReplyDelete~ Daniel Brockhan